O thou, there, thee

Thee Anna, thee Donna, thee Chhotu,

Where are you?

You were in me

I was in you

You are still all over in me

Where is that me in you?

Am I dead inside in me

Am I dead inside you?

I breathed your breath, I lived your pulse n beat

I walked your walk, I dreamed your dreams n feat

I hoped the helical hopes, I slid up those slopes

I treaded those unsure paths

I kneaded an unlikely dough

Yet thirsted & partook of that sweet wine and bountiful bread

Of lengthening my shadows in your lovely light

Dare I say that I always saw the inevitable end

Nay, never imagined it would steal-in so nefariously near

Now that I am heaving for my breath, my pulse n beat

Now that I am limping for my walk, my dreams n feat

Now that I scratch my skin and soul to find,

I open my un-drunk eyes to see

I am dead inside you

I am dead inside me

I forgot the way... .. .

Ah dear Me,

I forgot the way I loved

I forgot the way I felt

I forgot the way I saw

To love is beautiful. To love, you need to feel beautiful. To feel, you need to see beautiful.

Ah, dear me, when did I say, you can feel without seeing? Seeing is not always through the eye of physical entity. The soul is what sees the best and the beautiful…

Let not the eye of the soul be closed by the slumber of the certitude. Certitude is a fort but with the prophets. Since when did you rise above the proneness of human depravity?

Ah dear me, you so serenely fall down the depths of pride, as would a child fall asleep in a warm embrace. Let not the embrace of self, envelope you in its seductive arms.

Ah dear me…

Dear me, I am not finished with the three lines of lament. To forget would be a blessing, a panacea, only if it were singed in completeness…only if it were affected in totality. Destiny it seems is not the destination. My pain is bubbling from the pools of leftovers. The leftovers of burn and hurt which go deeper than the flesh & bone, are not washed away by the floods of memory.

I forgot the way I saw, but not that I saw

I forgot the way I felt, but not that I felt

I forgot the way I loved, but not…that I loved!

I can't believe it...

One & a half year is gone...

& I am back...

What shall i write here???

I can post what I wrote recently...

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O... what have you done to me....!
I've been feeling so incomplete all these days....
I feel as if so many parts in me are gone....
....as if much of me ...inside ... is not functioning at all...


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Is it that I feel like saying nothing….???
Or is it that there are just too many things to fumble through….???

All these days I have had a cacophony in my heart…
All these days there ‘s been a dense fog enveloping my mind…
All these days I been feeling like a steam... with no clear goal or direction…
All these days….

Why is it so?

And oh….
What is it…?
Am I delving into your mind’s territory….
…more than I delve into my mind’s……????
Do I think of you more than ….
…I think of myself…………..???

Part of the Crowd...

I am part of the crowd
It's cacophonous
It does not make music
It blends whisper with the laughter

It likes the sultry smiles
...not the sour souls
It likes the flickering feet
...not the hollow hearts

It seeks sin, not sense
...wit, not wisdom

Crowd...
It feeds on courtesy
& vomits controversy

Crowd...
I am part of it...
Is this the crowd,
...what they call
...Society..!